I'm not a fan of Andrew Lloyd Webber. The shows I haven't seen I have no desire to see and the shows that I have don't hold my attention for very long. I grew up watching the Wizard of Oz but have no desire to see it on stage because he's involved. One exception, Jesus Christ Superstar but again it's not a show I listen to often. I have to admit it's his best work and when Tim Minchin was cast as Judas I was incredibly interested in going to see it. While Jesus might be the title character, Judas is by far the better role. Ofcourse, like all Lloyd Webber shows these days the role of Jesus will be cast through a reality television show, "The Search for Jesus" sounds better than "The Search for Judas". Dawn French is one of the judges, I'm not sure when Jesus became a comedy role but I'm sure there's a reason (that's not "she played a Priest on TV").

The rest of the cast isn't as intriguing, more the opposite but with a show that will tell people "You could be Jesus" (can't wait for those complaints..) the gimmick factor was high to begin with. Tim Minchin is still a big enough draw for me, I like him as a singer and I am genuinely interested in seeing what he would do with the role acting wise. It then happened that the date it'll be coming to my City, my usual theatre buddy is away so I'd be flying solo. Not too much of an issue, actually a little exciting but then came the game changer. The price.

Tickets are £65, £73 online inc.booking fee. "Cheap seats", which knowing the arena are two rows right at the back, are £50 ish and not advertised on the main website. I've paid less to see a show from the second row on Broadway. Phantom of the Opera is here later in the year, it's at a much nicer and appropriate venue with prices ranging from £21 to £61 and the view is pretty decent all around. Whereas JCS is at a run down Arena that recently changed it's name to Motorpoint. I can't justify spending that much money on it, it doesn't warrant spending that much money on it. I'd much rather and can't wait to spend my money on this. £70 is not accessible and it both angers and saddens me that I'm being priced out of something I love so dearly (theatre, not ALW).

So for Minchin, I'll sit through Andrew Lloyd Webber (although admittedly I do like the show..), I'll sit through Chris Moyles and I'll even go alone but I won't pay £73 for the privilege. Good thing is though with a show as gimmicky as this, I won't have too long to wait for a DVD.

I'm trying to work out how it got to be May. The last few weeks, months have been a blur. Not because I've been busy, far from but because I've been going through the motions. I think I reached my limit. After every failed interview it gets harder and harder to put myself out there again so I think subconsciously, I stopped trying. One of my favourite quotes is from Dexter (of all shows..) "They make it look so easy, connecting with another human being. It’s like no one told them it’s the hardest thing in the world." There's probably something to be said about empathising with a serial killer. It's always the quiet ones.

Volunteering was always something I said I'd do. I looked into it many times but never took the final leap. Never put myself out there until I saw an advertisement for a campaign aimed at tackling the stigma surrounding mental health. It took me a week to get the courage just to send the email and then more courage not to cancel the informal interview. I've since been asked to do one day a week, just awaiting a start date. It terrifies me in truth but it's the good sort of terrified.

It's apt that the campaign is called 'Time to Change' because that's exactly what I need to do.

Premiership
Blackburn Rovers 0 - 2 Manchester United Valencia. Young.	Manchester United 4 - 0 Aston Villa Rooney (p) x 2. Welbeck. Nani.
Manchester United 2 - 0 QPR Rooney (p). Scholes.	Manchester United 4 - 4 Everton Rooney x 2. Welbeck. Nani.
Wigan 1 - 0 Manchester United

I'll leave it up to you to figure out which results I'm angry about. What did we want to avoid? a title deciding game. What have we got? I despair.

I imagine watching a football supporter over the course of a season is very much like watching someone have a very slow mental breakdown. My usual season I start off cautious but optimistic, there's a week mid-season where I really enjoy the game of football but towards the end I declare my hatred for the sport. I hate April. I hate United. I hate everything. I didn't sign up for this. Stop the season, I want to get off.

I'm posting this a little earlier than my usual last day of the month schedule but I'm not sure I'll survive the day. I'll leave my last words to Aramis in Man in the Iron Mask..It's Judgement day.

I don't know when I let sport take over my emotions. Why 90 minutes can mean so much. Close to ten years ago I was at my cousin's house while United played Arsenal. It was that game where Martin Keown all but assaulted Ruud Van Nistelrooy. I had to listen to the game on the radio and when they missed the penalty I remember my Uncle laughing, "she's really annoyed by that". Since then I try (and fail) to keep my visible reactions in check, a conversation I had with my Mum a week after the horrific Manchester derby last year (which I found hilarious) shows how well I do at that:

Me laughing at something United did while winning
Mum: "Ahh, it's all smiles this week"
Me: "What do you mean? I was laughing last week too"
Mum: "Yes but it's a different kind of laugh."

Sunday was my brother's 30th, the meal was booked for 12.30. United kicked off at 12.30. The pub we were in was set out with food on one side with the bar around the corner, the bar that showed live football. While we ate I kept a check on the score through my phone and United took the lead, my cousin tried to annoy me by saying they were losing not knowing I have amazing multi-tasking skills.

All was well until my phone updated that the lead United held was decreasing. The food was cleared away, deserts ordered so I took the opportunity to take a wander around to the other side of the bar. It wasn't the surprise it should have been seeing the score was by that time level. I uttered a quiet swear word, turned back around and headed back to the table. Cousin passing me as I went and he knew from my expression what had happened. I stood awkwardly with my family before deciding it was safer for me to watch the end of the game by myself. I heard a "They'll win in the end" as I passed someone at the bar but they didn't and I headed back to my family an angrier version of myself. I arrived just as my brother finished opening the present I spent quite a bit of time on, a further annoyance to have missed that, I attempted a smile as he thanked me. I don't even remember what I said to him in my haze of grumpiness. I finished my desert in almost silence. Eventually the dark cloud moved away and I went back to enjoying the afternoon.

That's why it's not just a game. It's the difference between enjoying a meal with the family and having to act like you don't care your day has been ruined by eleven stupid men.

Premiership	Europa League
Tottenham Hotspur 1 - 3 Manchester United Rooney. Young x2.	First leg - Manchester United 2 - 3 Athletic Club Rooney x2.
Manchester United 2 - 0 West Brom Rooney x2 (p).	Second Leg - Athletic Club 2 (5) - (3) 1 Manchester United Rooney.
Wolves 0 - 5 Manchester United Evans. Valencia. Welbeck. Hernandez x2.
Manchester United 1 - 0 Fulham Rooney.

The month the tide turned a little. From here on in I'll be watching from behind the sofa, it's going to be unbearable I can feel it. Trying to catch up is one thing, trying to hold on to something is a whole different matter. It also means I don't want to say much about the team in case I jinx things, superstitions switched to overdrive. It's a case of willing the team to hold on, for eight weeks. Meep.

Cup competitions this year have been incredibly disappointing, not having to play on a Thursday is a very big plus but it was a trophy and we're Manchester United. Nevertheless I was very impressed by Athletic Club, enjoyed watching them. I've always had a love/hate relationship with Europe, love winning it but hate watching it yet I fell for Athletic's charm. They played in the right way and their fans showed class by applauding Ryan Giggs as they did. I've got a lot of respect for them, one of those teams who seem to have twenty players on the pitch because of the effort they all put in. I hope they go on to win it. That's not even in the "just so we can say we were beaten by the winners" way, it's in the genuine I want them to win it way.

It's times like these that make me laugh at the world and the absurdity of it. Everything is so fast and furious that people forget to step back from time to time, to actually think about what they're doing. People can't afford to do it anymore. We're so driven by fear. I saw interviews with people saying how ridiculous it was that everyone was panic buying petrol out of fear there would be strike action. These people were being interviewed while they were sat in the queue for petrol. Advice from the government was to store fuel, it may just be a coincidence that someone set themselves on fire after attempting to decant petrol in their own kitchen a few days later.

Looking in from the outside it's easy to laugh. I have nowhere to be so I have time to sit on a bench overlooking a beach or sit in my garden enjoying the quiet. I have time to think. I hope when things all start to come together for me I can still make time to just be still for a while. People don't do enough of that these days.

It was the Gary Speed Memorial match last night, a friendly game between Wales and Costa Rica. It was odd in the sense I was looking forward to honouring Speed but at the same time I wasn't looking forward to it. I think we still can't quite believe what happened, it didn't feel real that we were there in memory of Gary Speed when he should have been on the sidelines taking charge of what is usually a pointless February friendly. It was too much to take in, to handle. Which is why the game wasn't great. We lost. We all wanted to win for Gary but in the end the emotion was too much. Despite that it was a great tribute, his name was chanted and applauded all night. Shoes were even held aloft, "Shoes off for Gary Speed" being an oddly touching moment. It wasn't ever about the football, it was a goodbye.

I hope his family got some comfort from knowing 23,000 people turned out to honour Gary. The one minute applause was closer to three. His two boys are a credit to him, stood so tall during the anthems and his 14 year old went into the dressing room after the game and told them "My dad always said to me that if you do your best it's enough, and I think you lot did your best tonight."


It's hard to think of the future of Welsh football right now. Speed put the hope and belief back into the side within a very short period of time. We are at risk of sounding as if we're overstating this because of what's happened but it was such a promising year for Wales, we were officially the most improved team. He got the players wanting to play. Now he's gone. This could break Wales or it could make them stronger. We're very much in limbo.

Rumours of splits within the camp are already appearing. Raymond Verheijen, who was part of the coaching staff with Speed, was due to take charge of the memorial game but just five days before decided to quit. It was unclear whether he'd continue in the role after the memorial anyway but then he wouldn't have gotten the attention he so obviously wanted. It's also unclear if Bellamy will continue, I truly hope he does but would not blame him for one second if he doesn't. Bellamy wears his emotions on his sleeve and his silence right now speaks louder than words. I just want so much for the push for qualification be in Speed's name and Bellamy is a big part of that.

I hope that now the memorial game is done, Chris Coleman can start to set out how he wants to do things. I don't envy the position he's in, it was clear during the post match interview how affected by everything he's been. I just hope we can follow on what Speed started. We can't go backwards now, we just can't.

Premiership	Europa League
Chelsea 3 - 3 Manchester United Rooney x 2 (p). Hernandez.	First leg - Ajax 0 - 2 Manchester United Young. Hernandez.
Manchester United 2 - 1 Liverpool Rooney x 2	Second Leg - Manchester United 1 (3)- 2 (2) Ajax Hernandez. United win on aggregate.
Norwich 1 - 2 Manchester United Scholes. Giggs (900th appearance).

I think the Babes were the extra men we needed to come back from 3-0 down to draw with Chelsea on a snowy February 5th 2012, it didn't go unnoticed that on a snowy February 5th 1958 the last game the Busby Babes played together ended 3-3 after they were 3-0 down. It's always a poignant day for United fans but this year their presence was felt even more so. There wasn't much talk about the football on show during the Liverpool game but apart from a spell of sloppiness which allowed Liverpool back in the game, United were worthy winners. It's just a shame the non-football aspect made me feel ill ( the reason being.. )

First experience of the Europa League, it's certainly different but the only thing I'm really missing is the Champions League theme tune. The youth risk backfired in the second leg but playing on a Thursday means that squad rotation has to happen and thankfully the first leg scoreline saw us through to the next round. I looked to the Norwich game as an indicator of how well we'll cope with the Thursday - Sunday timetable, not that great it seems. It took a 37 and 38 year old with a last gasp goal to get us through. I haven't seen a goal celebration quite like that in a while but then we haven't had a 90+ minute winner in a while either, Giggs went nuts. It was a real show of intent. While it's great to see the old timers combining, cryogenically freezing players still isn't an option so it's worrying to still be relying on them as much as we are.